What You Actually Get & Can Expect

Couples and family therapy is where we slow down the arguments, decode the critical comments, and figure out why the same patterns keep showing up like unwanted sequels. Using a blend of tools I’m overly trained in, we get underneath the chaos and help you build something steadier, clearer, and actually workable.

• I will assess what’s working, what’s not, and why the same patterns keep showing up in the first 3 sessions. We will meet together, then apart, then together again.

• I will give clear feedback on your patterns — no blame, just clarity and provide alternatives, and help you set achievable goals.

• I will give you tools for communication, repair, and conflict that actually work at home very early on.

• I will teach you how to strengthen your connection and like each other again.

• I will encourage you to reduce sessions once progress is made and ultimately set you free. I will be there like a safety blanket if and when you need to return.

What We Work On

• Communication that doesn’t implode— learning how to talk so the other person doesn’t immediately go into defense mode.

• Repair skills — because every relationship needs a reset button.

• Understanding emotional patterns — why you shut down, why they get louder, and why it feels like déjà vu.

• Clarifying shared goals & values — so you’re rowing in the same direction instead of in circles.

• Navigating stress + transitions — parenting, blending families, big life changes, or just “we’re overwhelmed.”

The Vibe

Couples & family therapy with me is structured enough that you won’t be staring at each other thinking, “So… now what,” but warm enough that you won’t feel like you’re being evaluated by a panel of judges. It’s a space where everyone can finally slow down, breathe, and talk like actual humans instead of two (or more) people stuck in the same argument loop.

How Each Approach Works (In Real‑People Language)

Gottman Method

Gottman gives us the science of what makes relationships work — think communication tools, conflict de‑escalation, and ways to repair after things go sideways. It’s practical, structured, and great for couples who want clear steps instead of vague advice.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT helps us understand the emotional dance underneath the arguments. It’s about figuring out why you react the way you do and how to reach for each other without triggering a catastrophe.

Structural Family Therapy

This helps us look at roles, boundaries, and family dynamics — basically who’s doing what, why it’s not working, and how to reorganize things and create order so everyone can breathe again.

Systems Theory

Systems Theory reminds us that no one is the “problem person.” The system creates patterns, and we shift the system so everyone gets relief. It’s less “who’s at fault” and more “how do we change the loop and how is everyone contributing to the discord.

Attachment Theory

Attachment Theory helps explain why you react the way you do in relationships — especially when things feel stressful or emotional. The patterns you learned growing up (like reaching out, pulling back, or staying steady) often show up in how you communicate, how you handle conflict, and what you need to feel safe and connected.

Discernment Counseling in Minneapolis and California

Discernment Counseling is a brief, structured process that helps “mixed‑agenda” couples decide whether to stay together, separate, or commit to couples therapy. It is not therapy. It’s designed for partners who feel unsure about the future and need clarity before making a big decision. Instead of diving into long‑term therapy.